One of the first questions I pose to clients is, "What do you want?"
The two most common responses are: - A long rant about all the things they DON'T want. - Vague visions of the future involving confidence and freedom and relationships and happiness. In other words, "I don't know." And that's OK, because knowing what you want is really freaking hard, especially when you're highly stressed and feeling stuck. My question isn't meant to produce a clear answer, but to start revving the curiosity engine. When you sign up for coaching it's probably because you don't actually know what you want, but have been telling yourself a vague story about that isn't helping you get anywhere. In fact, research shows us unequivocally that people are generally very bad at self-awareness! These vague stories we tell ourselves can look like: "I've been in this career for a long time and I'm good at it but I'm not happy, so I just want to figure out why and then then I'll be able to make a decision about what to do next." Or it focuses on the problems, like: "I can't seem to stay focused on the projects that are supposedly important, and then I beat myself up and procrastinate even more, and it's really starting to bleed into my personal relationships." What those have in common is a brain in a heightened state of threat. A human brain stuck in survival mode is essentially looking at the world through tunnel vision. It only focuses on the scary thing directly ahead. But navigating life transitions requires a very different kind of thinking. Creative thinking. Broad-mindedness. Connecting dots. Curious investigation.
It's about pointing your brain in a specific direction so that you feel confident about where you're going. When you meet with me, and I ask you about what you want it's expected that you'll stumble. That's the point! My job is to help you shine a light in that dark attic and find your way through. Once you know what you want and how it aligns with what you really need to feel fulfilled on a deeper level, it becomes a million times easier to come up with strategies and tactics to make it happen (which is the latter part of my coaching framework). Are you ready to confront the gap between what you think you want and what you really want? Sign up here for a free intro call.